It is not uncommon for a Husband or Wife to feel blindsided when their spouse announces intentions to divorce. Many believed that all was well enough in their marriage; others knew there were problems, but didn’t think the issues were insurmountable. Whatever the circumstances, divorce can sometimes come as a complete shock.
More often, though, wives have at least an inkling divorce could be on the horizon. Typically, both spouses sense the marriage is on borrowed time, and quite frequently each one is privately considering legally ending the relationship.
If that’s where your marriage stands right now, you may be wondering if you are any better off, financially and/or legally, if you file for divorce before your spouse does.
The answer is somewhat complex. While it certainly doesn’t make sense to race your spouse to the courthouse out of mere spite, or for the thin and fleeting satisfaction of winning at “gotcha,” there are legitimate reasons to consider filing first, if you have a choice. Here are a few of the most important factors you need to consider:
Financial Advantages of Filing First
You can have your divorce team lined up in advance.
Assembling the right team of qualified experts to help you achieve the best possible outcome from your divorce can take some time. You will need an excellent attorney, of course, and in financially complex divorces, it’s also essential to have a qualified divorce financial analyst on your side. A good therapist is also recommended as well as a vocational expert if you plan to re-enter the job market.
You can gather all the documentation you will need before the divorce begins.
It is critically important to have in your secure possession copies of all relevant financial and legal documents. These include not only bank and brokerage statements and tax returns, but also insurance policies, wills and trusts, retirement account statements, real estate records, vehicle registrations, etc. Locating and copying all these documents can take considerable time and effort, particularly if your husband is controlling or secretive where finances are concerned. Filing first means that you’ll have all your documentation organized and in a secure location before divorce papers are served.
You can ensure you have access to funds and credit before you file.
As soon as you think divorce is in your future, you should immediately begin to set aside money for the expenses involved. Make sure you have enough money to hire your divorce team; it is a critical investment in your financial future. Also, if you don’t have a credit card in your own name obtain one as soon as possible, as it may be hard to do so later.
Legal Advantages of Filing First
Filing first lets you choose where your divorce will be adjudicated.
Divorces are generally decided in the jurisdiction in which they are filed. If you and your spouse have already separated and live in different states or counties, it is worth your while to check into the legal implications of filing in the different venues legitimately available to you. Your experience and expected outcome might vary widely in different jurisdictions. Consult with attorneys wherever you might file.
While in ideal circumstances couples divorce where they live and hire lawyers or mediators whose offices are convenient for both to get to, the fact is that the filing jurisdiction will influence the outcome of every issue that may arise in the divorce proceeding—child custody, child support, spousal support, division of property.
The “first to file” may be the first litigant to present his or her case at trial.
But there are Pros and Cons. On one hand, if you’re the wronged spouse, you may feel the need to be the first to file for emotional reasons. No one wants to be the ‘rejected’ spouse. But on the other hand, you may not want to reveal your strategy to the other side, who can then adjust his or her presentation accordingly.”
As a practical matter if a spouse senses trouble in the marriage he or she should immediately meet with an attorney to obtain information about the law and gain practical insight about the process. After interviewing a qualified domestic relations practitioner, that spouse will have a keener sense of his or her spouse’s intentions with respect to the marriage going forward.
Clients are encouraged to think financially, not emotionally but there is an emotional component to filing first which can’t be discounted. I don’t need to tell you that ending a marriage can be a wrenching, heartbreaking process. Once the decision is made, though, there can be some real emotional strength to be gained from taking the first tangible steps toward your new life as a single person. You may find that making the initial legal filing provides the psychological leg-up you sorely need, and that feeling more in control of the process will help you see the divorce through to your best advantage.
Most importantly, however, you need to build a strong, qualified divorce team to guide you through the divorce proceedings and help you secure a solid financial future as an independent individual.